Our Story

Growing up, I always had this perfect picture in my head of how my life would go. I would graduate high school, go to college, get married, and have children. But life isn't always that simple is it? It doesn't always go the way you planned it to. And, unfortunately, I had to find that out the hard way. I graduated high school, I graduated from a community college with my associate in Psychology and found an incredible man that I ended up lucky enough to marry. But children?

We got married in May of 2021. It was the most incredible day. It rained that morning (a sign of abundance, joy, and happiness), and it was warm and sunny that afternoon. Two young adults ignorant of the struggles that were ahead of them. My husband and I both being very family-oriented people, we both agreed that we would happily welcome a baby into this world at any time. Fast forward to almost a year later, the disappointment and discouragement began to set in. It had been almost a year and nothing. We both agreed that it was fine, though, I mean we had only been married less than a year, and time together is so important in a young couple's lives. But you still can't help but go down this road of worry and 'what ifs' and 'whys' when you haven't gotten pregnant after almost a year of trying. Especially when your greatest fear in life was not to be able to bear children.

On Easter Day of 2022, I remembered thinking to myself that I felt off. Different. So that next morning I took a pregnancy test. Pregnant. I remember being SO overwhelmed with joy, I was shaking, crying (happy tears of course), and was in agony having to go about my day like nothing was different. I didn't tell my husband, because I had already planned out in my head how I wanted to tell him. So I went to work, came home, did chores, started dinner, and waited for him to get home only for him to get home late. I had set up my camera, put the pregnancy tests, a pair of knitted booties, a onesie that said 'hi daddy' and a letter board that said 'we're having a baby!' on the kitchen counter for when he walked in. He was SO surprised and SO excited.

For the next two weeks, everything was going as expected. I was lucky and didn't have morning sickness, but around 6 and a half weeks I started bleeding. I immediately went to the emergency room, fully expecting the worst, only to find that Baby M was doing just fine and even had the strongest little heartbeat! Turns out, I just had a hematoma that was causing the bleeding. At the time, I didn't know that hematomas can increase your risk of miscarrying, I was just so relieved that our baby was okay I didn't even ask questions about it. A week and a half later, I started bleeding again but it was heavier. They got me in as soon as they could with an ultrasound tech in the city, just to make sure that everything was okay. Again, Baby M was just fine. Our baby's heart rate had increased, the hematoma was still the same size, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. The next morning though, was when the events of our worst nightmare began.

I remember waking up and feeling uncomfortable. I had been put on bed rest, so I was at home taking it easy. Throughout the morning, I kept feeling more and more uncomfortable. Severe back cramps off and on, getting stronger and closer together as the day progressed. And then the bleeding started. My husband was at work, so my father-in-law came and rushed me to the emergency room. I have never experienced such poor medical care in my life until that day. My ER doctor was so cold, and dismissive. Honestly acted as if I was wasting his time. He wouldn't even try finding a heartbeat for us. He labeled it a 'threatened miscarriage' without doing any evaluation or examination and sent us home. A week later I found out that I had miscarried. I knew that I had. I knew it in my heart. My bones. But as the week progressed, I couldn't help but continue to have faith that a miracle might happen and that everything would be okay.

I have always somewhat struggled with anxiety and depression, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I couldn't get out of bed for days. We had a trip to Montana planned before we even found out we were pregnant, and of course, it was scheduled for that next weekend. We decided that we still wanted to go, that it would be good for us to get away. And it was. I felt like I could breathe a little easier. We went with my husband's best friend and his girlfriend and had the best time. We saw the most beautiful country, witnessed our friends get engaged, created some amazing memories, and my husband and I both got matching tattoos in honor of the child we had lost. Once we were back home, the depression kicked in. I took some time away from work. And I sought medical advice.

Anti-depressants made a difference for me. I was finally getting out of bed again. I was taking care of myself again.

Unfortunately, our story doesn't end there. In September of 2022, we found out that we were pregnant again. There's a reason the saying goes "Ignorance is bliss", right? We thought there was NO WAY we could, rather would, lose this baby too. But we did. The first several weeks of the pregnancy were rather blissful, if you take away the crippling anxiety and worry, and only focused on the fact that we were pregnant again.

After our first loss, I dove deep into the causes of miscarriage and found that many miscarry due to progesterone deficiencies. So I talked to my OB at the time about it and he put me on 100mg of progesterone no questions asked. He said, "If it makes you feel better, I will do that for you no problem, but I don't find it necessary to test you." At the time, who was I to question him? I was ecstatic. My beta's were phenomenal. Everything seemed to have been going perfectly.

Until it wasn't.

The time for our first ultrasound came around, only for the tech to not be able to see anything. My OB said I probably just ovulated late, that I wasn't as far along as we thought, and to come back in two more weeks for a follow-up. Anyone who has experienced loss knows that asking someone to wait a full two weeks for answers is ridiculous. I couldn't do it. So I got a second opinion. And what do ya know? They found a baby, but no heartbeat. This was to be expected because at the time I was only (what I thought was almost 7 weeks) but the ultrasound only showed that I was 5 weeks. Which would make sense if I ovulated later than normal that cycle. After my second opinion, I went to our next ultrasound appointment with an MFM two weeks later for our worst fears to come true; again.

And to make things even more heartbreaking, my body continued to think I was pregnant. At 16 weeks, I had to have a medical intervention because my body wasn't going to acknowledge that our baby had died to where I would miscarry on my own. I chose to be induced, which failed twice, and ended in an emergency DNC due to blood loss.

The following February, I decided to reach out to a fertility specialist I had heard amazing things about in the infertility and miscarriage community. She wasn't able to get me in until May, but two weeks after I had reached out to her, we found out that were were pregnant again! This baby's due date would have been the same as our first, too. We felt like that had to have been a sign from God that this was it. This was our miracle.

I found out early. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks. Which, I thought would end up being a great thing. The earlier I catch it, the sooner we can test my labs, etc., and that has to mean my HCG is high right? I contacted my specialist and they immediately had me come in for some labs that day. I got the results early that next morning, and they weren't great, but they weren't terrible either. Nothing to worry about though as long as my hcg doubled in 48-72 hours. My progesterone, however, was most definitely a problem. They immediately started me on oral progesterone. Two days later, I had a repeat beta. That next morning, was bad news. My HCG didn't double as it should have. But again, let's test you in two more days and maybe we will see a good increase there. There wasn't.

"This is more than likely not going to be a viable pregnancy. I am so sorry."

After several weeks of bad news after bad news, I began to miscarry at a wedding I was filming in April. My doctors had me repeat betas until my HCG dropped back to zero so we could begin all of the fertility testing she recommends for patients with my history. They dropped to zero within a week, and I had my fertility panel done. I even had my results back within the following week, which showed that I have the MTHFR gene mutation, low progesterone, and a d3 and iron deficiency. All contributors to recurrent miscarriage. It was honestly such a relief to feel like we finally had answers, and to also finally have a doctor who was interested in helping us.

A few weeks after I received my test results, I found out some other news too. I still hadn't started my period yet, but I wasn't too concerned because, with my other two miscarriages, it took my body about 8 weeks before I would have a cycle again. But this time, where I miscarried so early, around the 6-week mark I started to get this nagging feeling that I probably should have started by now, and I should take a pregnancy test. My husband and I were on our way home from a graduation party when I told him we should stop and get a test, so we did, and I tested when we got home.

Pregnant.

I remember yelling from the bathroom "Shut the front door!" and bringing the test out to the kitchen where my husband was and saying "It's positive! There's no way!" We were both so surprised, shocked, all of the emotions after everything we had just been through. I thought for sure it would be negative. How could we possibly have gotten pregnant again so soon?

I called my specialist and immediately started betas every two days and injectible progesterone daily. We also were referred to an MFM in the city. After doing all the things leading up to our first ultrasound, everything was going perfectly. But we were still trying to not get our hopes up. We were putting all of our faith in God, because what else could we do?

Only God can perform a miracle like that - getting pregnant within only a couple of weeks after your third miscarriage. We are currently in our third trimester with our sweet miracle baby. A baby boy, Bentley Joseph. And while we are still holding our breath, we feel so unbelievably blessed every single day of this journey.

-KM